Sunday, 10 October 2010
Comments about the two day mental health first aid course
Thanks for course Ian (& Jane). It was great.
I found myself quoting facts and guidance to a surprising number of friends and familyover the Easter Holidays!
Having been on a recognised course and being able to say that I had done it and *****was suggested guidance eg 'Listening non judgementally' to a friend who's daughter is having big ongoing anxiety issues .
ALGEE is a good acronym.
Sue
Empathy and distress
Understanding how others are feeling can bring great rewards and great influence. Empathy is powerful.
A few years ago I was sitting comfortable in front of the TV with my wife, we lived in a quiet cul-de-sac with only 3 houses, so I was surprised to hear the noise of a lot of people shouting out side my house. It was not angry shouting but it was shouting nonetheless. I opened my front door surprised to see a crowed of about 40 to 50 people all in a large circle, in the center were 2 men about 4 meters apart one had a large bread knife raised in front of him the other man was swinging a heavy looking leather jacket around as though he was going to use it as a weapon.
I recognized many of the people in the crowd they all lived in the near by houses. All of them were looking at the man with the knife and were shouting things like ‘just put it down’ or ‘just go back inside’ some others were calling out helpful things like ‘it’s not worth going to prison for’ well they were trying! Some were even calling him by name. His house was behind him he could have turned and walked away. But neither man was moving both were staring straight into the eyes of the other.
I thought what ever had happened between them it was clear to me that neither of them wanted to do anymore. Neither of them was talking or moving forward, they were almost like statues. I could feel that there were so many people there that neither man would back down as this would be like loosing face or pride in front of their whole community. They might be branded as cowardly.
How can I change this? I asked my self, every ones attention was on the man with the knife, I mean every one, well apart form me. I looked at the man with the jacket. No one was talking to him; no one was even looking at him. I thought if these people keep on doing what they are doing nothing would change. So I did something different.
I slowly approached the man with the jacket. Not straight on this might look threatening and he had 2 very big friends behind him, and not from the side as he might not see me and be startled. I approached at a sort of 45-degree angle. I stood by him for a few seconds and then slowly reached out and gently put my hand on his shoulder and quietly, so quiet no one else could hear I said ‘please would you go home now, please’ (a simple, gentle, non threatening request that gave him a reason to leave) half a second passed and I felt his shoulders relax. He turned and walked away. A few seconds later the man with the knife lowered it and then every one in the crowed turned to see what had happened. The other man had gone! I’m not sure if anyone even saw him leave. But certainly they wouldn’t have known why he left. Perhaps he just needed and excuse, or some permission, or even to feel like he was doing some thing good i.e. helping me. What ever it was I often wonder what would have happened if it weren’t for a few calm words in the right ear.
A few years ago I was sitting comfortable in front of the TV with my wife, we lived in a quiet cul-de-sac with only 3 houses, so I was surprised to hear the noise of a lot of people shouting out side my house. It was not angry shouting but it was shouting nonetheless. I opened my front door surprised to see a crowed of about 40 to 50 people all in a large circle, in the center were 2 men about 4 meters apart one had a large bread knife raised in front of him the other man was swinging a heavy looking leather jacket around as though he was going to use it as a weapon.
I recognized many of the people in the crowd they all lived in the near by houses. All of them were looking at the man with the knife and were shouting things like ‘just put it down’ or ‘just go back inside’ some others were calling out helpful things like ‘it’s not worth going to prison for’ well they were trying! Some were even calling him by name. His house was behind him he could have turned and walked away. But neither man was moving both were staring straight into the eyes of the other.
I thought what ever had happened between them it was clear to me that neither of them wanted to do anymore. Neither of them was talking or moving forward, they were almost like statues. I could feel that there were so many people there that neither man would back down as this would be like loosing face or pride in front of their whole community. They might be branded as cowardly.
How can I change this? I asked my self, every ones attention was on the man with the knife, I mean every one, well apart form me. I looked at the man with the jacket. No one was talking to him; no one was even looking at him. I thought if these people keep on doing what they are doing nothing would change. So I did something different.
I slowly approached the man with the jacket. Not straight on this might look threatening and he had 2 very big friends behind him, and not from the side as he might not see me and be startled. I approached at a sort of 45-degree angle. I stood by him for a few seconds and then slowly reached out and gently put my hand on his shoulder and quietly, so quiet no one else could hear I said ‘please would you go home now, please’ (a simple, gentle, non threatening request that gave him a reason to leave) half a second passed and I felt his shoulders relax. He turned and walked away. A few seconds later the man with the knife lowered it and then every one in the crowed turned to see what had happened. The other man had gone! I’m not sure if anyone even saw him leave. But certainly they wouldn’t have known why he left. Perhaps he just needed and excuse, or some permission, or even to feel like he was doing some thing good i.e. helping me. What ever it was I often wonder what would have happened if it weren’t for a few calm words in the right ear.
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